Do You Overreact When Someone Asks You About Money?

Managing a budget is crucial to establishing or having some financial freedom in our lives. Getting a good budget started though can be tough and a little intimidating. Once you have some kind budget or money management strategy, it can become daunting to constantly update it and making sure you are reflecting the right information. These tasks become even more accentuated when there is more than one person in the mix (i.e a spouse or loved one). To make it easier, should one person always take the lead on managing the money? Should the other simply conform to what the other is telling them about the money? Is this a safe, effective, or healthy strategy?

The 1-Sided Accountant

In a recent conversation with some friends, the topic of money was brought up. Now, I am not shy when it comes to discussing personal finances, but remarkably these friends were. We got to talking about finances in our relationship and the issues as well as the many resolutions we have had over the years. Although the friends did not want to discuss the financial aspect of their lives as much they did describe what they say is “working” for them. Essentially, one person is managing all of the money manually and telling the spouse what is going on with the accounts. The spouse who doesn’t manage anything seems to want to know as little as possible.

I am not one to judge or to say what will definitively work for every family. However, this type of 1-sided accountancy can be hard to maintain for an extended period of time. Jordan and I did this same thing for a long time. Ultimately, it still led to many fights and not managing our money well. Essentially it gives one person too much power of the money, and limits the other one. The person managing the money has added stress for having to take on that responsibility, and the other person can have stress for simply not knowing what is going on. If this is your model, be sure to take the time to discuss with your partner. Have the hard talks about true feelings and what you would like to see change.

The Unwilling To Change Mindset

Another characteristic we saw was the lack of willingness to want to change. Even the mere mention of suggesting an alternative was quickly shot down. Why would this be? Was it the fear of the “hard talks”? Is it the fear of having to actually understand what is going on and the pressure this entails? The truth is, I don’t know.

If you ARE in a situation where you might need help with something due to struggle, I would suggest asking for help. If you are struggling with emotional issues, get some help. When you have marriage problems seek mentors or counselors. The same is true with finances. Be willing to take that hit to your pride and ask for help. The situation with my friends might be something you may deal with as well. You shouldn’t force help on them, but you can be there for support if they ask.

Finances are always going to be a touchy subject for most people. Whether good or bad, this is a topic which is quite private. We don’t want others to know how much we make, our debt, credit scores, or anything in our financial situation. It has become almost taboo to discuss with others. It shouldn’t be though. Have the talks, and be supportive.