How to Achieve Healthy Financial Communication in a Relationship

You’ve heard it before, right? Open communication is the foundation of any relationship. Well, it’s true. And this advice applies so much more when you are talking about finances within a marriage. Especially when you have differing views of money.

The Foundation

My husband and I have joint finances. Completely. All of our money is in a shared pool for the household. In today’s world, this is a controversial belief. Although most couples may choose to have a joint account, they still maintain individual accounts for independence, convenience, personal spending, and emergencies. In my opinion, this is a mistake. In a marriage, you are trying to build a life together. It can be difficult to build a life together when you’re not financing together.

My husband has always made more money than me. Because of this, he could easily ask to maintain separate checking accounts, and that we each pay our fair share of the bills. I am so grateful he doesn’t. For one, I believe it helps us be on the same page with our finances. And it keeps us working together towards our financial goals, instead of maintaining separate ideals and budgets to achieve individual goals.

Take a look at our budget, for example. If we split our budget evenly based on household income, he would pay 62% and I would pay 38%. In this scenario, he has to pay more because he makes more. And, because he is paying more of the bills, he would be able to “keep score” in the marriage. “I pay most of the bills, so….x,y,z”

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

As cheesy as it sounds, this is true when it comes to finances and relationships. I go into all of those details to simply say this: we share finances because we are a team. We are building a life together, as equal partners in the household. Knowing that, even if we disagree on how to spend money on things, we are a team, and we will ultimately come to a decision together, makes the money management part of our marriage that much easier.

Step 1: Commitment

But how do you get to this point in a marriage? First and foremost, it takes commitment. You have to decide that you are going to work together to manage your finances. This means committing to meeting with your partner at least monthly. I recommend weekly when you are first starting out. And you’ll have to maintain complete honesty with the other person. Disclosing all of the purchasing you make weekly, including the new shoes you bought, or the splurge lunch with coworkers. Without honesty, you won’t be able to have an accurate picture of your finances.

Step 2: Don’t hesitate

Secondly, you need to start now. I don’t mean run off and join all of your money in joint accounts right now. What I do mean is start building the lines of communication today. Have a budget meeting with your spouse, and talk about your finances. Talk about what it would look like to be all into the marriage, including finances.

• What does it look like for you to have shared finances?
• Do you have individual accounts for “surprise” shopping like Christmas and birthdays, funded by your joint funds?
• Do you have personal money, “blow money” to spend freely, and if so, how much?
• How much do you need to save every month?
• What are your financial goals as a couple?
• How are you saving for retirement?
• How do you need to plan for date nights?

It is important to share all of these things with your spouse when planning to join funds. It won’t be easy, at first. It will take sacrifices, and you will have to fully commit to an open and honest relationship with your spouse and your money.

Step 3: Plan Independence

Last, but not least, don’t sacrifice independence. Just because you are joining incomes does not mean you need to sacrifice your independence. Just plan for it. Set up specific amounts each month for you and your spouse to spend as you choose. We call this our “slush” fund. It is a small dollar amount set aside each month for us to spend however we’d like, frivolously or logically.

Most importantly, enjoy it. It will take some time and effort, but the results are more than worth it. You both will be 100% committed to the relationship, and you will have a newfound peace in your marriage, knowing that you have a teammate in ALL areas of your life together.